Harry Potter goofyness 'Dick and Jane' Style
by mistfur
Summary: This is a bunch of small one shots that are short and stupid. Hope ya like it. Warning:this story is updated randomly and harry dies, because i think he should have died ,but he didn't.
1. Chapter 1

Luna went to the store.

Nevel went to the store.

Harry went to the store.

Ron went to the store.

Hermione went to the store.

Pretty much the whole cast went to the store.

Everyone meet at the store.

they went to the park.

There was a pond at the park.

Cho fell into the pond.

Lavender fell into the pond.

Harry fell into the pond.

~~~TWO DAYS LATER~~~

There was a funeral for Cho and Lavender.

There was not a funeral for Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry ran into Voldemort.

Voldemort killed Harry.

Snape gave Voldemort a high-five.

Everyone gave Voldemort a high-five.

Everyone went to the 'Three broomsticks'.

Everyone got 'Butter beer'.

Everyone got more to drink.

The next day no-one remembered what happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry hurt Snape's feeling.

Snape hit Harry.

The Slytherins cheered.

Harry hit back.

The Slytherins booed.

Snape hit harder.

The Slytherins cheered.

Harry died before they got to the hospital wing.


	4. Chapter 4

It was raining.  
Hermione wanted to go outside.  
Ron went outside.  
Harry went outside.  
Hermione went outside.  
Draco saw them.  
Draco yelled *beeeeep* at them.  
Ron replied *beeep*.  
Hermione fainted.(All the cussing ya know)  
Harry got mad.  
Ron got mad.  
Harry punched Draco.  
Ron kicked Draco.  
Draco ran up the hill.  
Ron ran up the hill.  
Harry ran up the hill.  
Harry go hit by lightning.  
Albus Cried in his office.  
Voldemort became leader of the world.  
Everyone lived happily ever after.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius turned into a dog.

Harry scratched Sirius behind the ear.

Sirius bit Harry.

Harry cried.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry wanted to have a picnic.

So did Ginny.

They went to a cliff.

There was a nice view from the cliff.

Harry walked to the edge of the cliff.

Harry fell of.

~SPLAT~


	7. Chapter 7

Harry went to Hagrid's hut.

Ron went to Hagrid's hut.

Hermione went to Hagrid's hut.

Buckbeak was outside.

Harry approached Buckbeak.

Harry forgot to bow.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry went to Hagrid's hut.

Hagrid had a 'Blast ended skroot'.

Hagrid gave Harry the 'Blast ended skroot'.

Harry named it Bang.

Bang, shot Harry in the stomach.


	9. Chapter 9

Hermione petted Crookshanks.

Crookshanks purred.

Harry enter the room.

Harry had scabers.

Crookshanks hissed.

Crookshanks attacked Harry.

Hermione yelled.

Harry died of blood loss.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry 'bout the no updates. :(**

Harry wanted a dog.

Harry went to the pound.

There were lots of dogs at the pound.

There was big dogs.

There was small dogs.

None of the dog was what Harry wanted.

Sad and depressed Harry walked home.

When Harry got home there was a dog on his porch.

The dog was from Ginny.

The dog bit Harry.

The dog had rabies.


	11. Chapter 11

**If you have an idea on how to kill Harry in this story do tell me I'll give you the credit**.

~~at the _Hogwart'_s lake~~

Draco taunts Hermione.

Harry gets mad.

Draco steals Harry's wand.

Harry steals Ron's wand

Harry yells 'the Killing Curse.'

The curse backfires.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:You've read the 7th book, right? You have! Good.**

**Sorry for the short,short,short chapter.**

Fred was suppose to die when that wall fell.

Harry was standing there instead.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: thought I would give credit to _TheBeautifulLie _****for helping me with most of the ideas of these story's.**

Harry went to breakfast in the great hall.

Snape was there.

As Harry eat Snape glared at him.

Harry took a sip of his juice.

Harry dropped over dead.

Snape was over joyed.

Snape's poison worked.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry stood on a cliff.

Dumbledore was there.

Voldemort was there too.

They all stared at each other.

Voldemort raised his wand.

Dumbledore yelled.

Dumbledore pushed Harry.

Harry fell off the cliff.


	15. Chapter 15

Harry went to Hagrid's.

Hagrid was happy to see Harry.

Hagrid hugged Harry.

Hagrid heard a snap.


	16. Chapter 16

~~5th book~~

Harry had the prophecy.

The death eaters wanted it.

A death eater asked for it.

Harry said no.

The death eater didn't like his answer.

The death eater killed Harry.


	17. Chapter 17

Harry went to the _Hog's head._

Harry tried a new drink.

It tasted good.

Harry saw Draco.

Harry asked Draco out.

Draco killed Harry.

**A/N: Just to clarify Harry got drunk.**


	18. Chapter 18

Harry was talking to Ron.

They were on platform 9¾.

They were next to the track.

Ginny bumped Harry.

Harry fell onto the track.


	19. Chapter 19

Harry was in the dungeons of the castle.

Harry smelled something good.

Harry followed the smell.

It was a potion.

Harry drank the potion.

Harry started to shrink.

Snape came in.

Harry was the size of a apple seed.

Snape stepped on Harry.


	20. Chapter 20

Harry was flying on his broom.

Harry saw something.

Harry leaned to get a better look.

Harry fell of his broom.


	21. Chapter 21

Harry was fighting a dragon.

Colin saw Harry.

Colin took a picture.

Harry was blinded by the flash.

Harry was burned to a crisp.


	22. Chapter 22

Harry was in the common room.

Hermione was in the common room.

Ron was in the common room.

Ron was siting next to Hermione.

Ron leaned over and kissed Hermione.

Harry screamed EEEWW.

Harry's eyes burned.


	23. Chapter 23

Harry went into the 'Forbidden Forest.'

~~next day~~

Ron asked where Harry was.

No one knew.

No one ever saw Harry again.


	24. Chapter 24

Harry was reading the Half-blood princes potion book.

Harry found a weird potion.

Harry made the potion.

The potion smelled good.

Harry drank the potion.

Harry died.


	25. Chapter 25

Harry sat by the Hogwarts lake.

Harry was reading a boring book.

Harry saw a white rabbit run by.

The rabbit yelled about being late.

Harry followed.

The rabbit went down a hole.

Harry went down the hole.

Harry was never seen again.


	26. Chapter 26

Harry stood by the lake.

Harry stepped forward.

The ground under Harry crumbled.

Harry fell into the lake.

The squid saw him.

The squid grabbed him.

The squid pulled Harry under.

Harry didn't come back up.


	27. Chapter 27

Harry stood on a bridge.

The bridge was over a volcano.

**A/N:Shhhh, don't tell Harry he doesn't know.**

Dumbledore came up behind Harry.

Dumbledore pushed Harry off.


	28. Chapter 28

Luna had a knife.

Luna was walking down a hall.**(At Hogwarts)**

Harry came around the corner.

Harry didn't look where he was going.

Luna didn't look where she was going.

Luna ran into Harry.

Everything went down hill from there.


	29. Chapter 29

Fred and George had a prototype Puking pill.

They gave Harry one.

Harry never stopped Puking.


	30. Chapter 30

Fred and George had a prototype sleeping 'candy'.

They gave Harry one.

Harry never woke up.


	31. Chapter 31

Aunt Marge came over.

She said rude things.

Harry blew up.


	32. Chapter 32

Harry bought a computer.

Harry looked Dumbledore up on his computer.

Harry died of shock.

**A/N: Thought I would make it clear. Harry reads about Dumbledore's past.**


	33. Chapter 33

Harry was watching television.

The show came back on.

The show was 'Harry Potter and the half-blood prince'

Voldemort came on.

Harry was so scared he died.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Forgot ta mention the squid drowning Harry one, the idea was given by **_**DonutMastr**__ . _**The idea for this one is by**_**Frostedxtoast.**_

Harry sat on the coach.

Harry turned on the television.

Dudley heard the television.

Dudley came in.

Dudley sat down.

Dudley heard a crunch.


	35. Chapter 35

Harry was walking down the hall.

Harry was at Hogwarts.

Myrtle was flooding the bathroom.

Harry never saw the puddle.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: during 7th book.**

Harry was walking to his death.

Harry walked through the Forbidden Forest.

Harry got to the clearing.

Voldemort shot Harry with the killing curse.

Harry really did die.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: also during 7th book.**

Harry finally watched Voldemort die.

Harry was happy.

Harry jumped for joy.  
Some one shot Harry with the killing curse.


	38. Chapter 38

Harry was in the forbidden forest.

Harry heard something.

It sounded like a stamped.

It got closer.

The last thing Harry saw was lots of Thestrals.


	39. Chapter 39

Ron and Harry were in the Common room.

Harry smelled something.

Harry passed out.

Ron said 'oops'.


	40. Chapter 40

Ginny was mad.

Harry got in the way.


	41. Chapter 41

Harry was at the store.

Harry was shopping.

Harry heard a squeal.

Harry was swarmed by fan girls.


	42. Chapter 42

Harry was in the forbidden forest.

He found a unicorn whistle.

Harry blew the whistle.

A unicorn came running.

The unicorn ran with his head down.

The unicorn didn't see Harry.

**A/N:The idea for this chapter actually has a story behind it. So I had a dream last night where I was in the forbidden forest (Great, just great, I'm having Harry Potter dreams AGAIN) and I was crawling along and a unicorn came up and stabbed me in the back...twice.**

**P.S. HELP! I'm running out of ideas!!**


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: last update 'cause i can't think of more ideas.**

Harry was moving out.(of the dursleys)

Harry was digging out his clothing.

Harry was in the closet.

Dudley came up behind him.

Dudley said 'BOO'.

Harry jumped.(into the closet)

Dudley closed the door.

Dudley locked the door.

Harry started to yell for help.

Harry stopped.

Harry liked it in here.

~~~~the next day~~~~

Harry was still in the closet.

Nevel was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

George was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

Fred was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

Cedric was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

Sirius was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

Dumbledor was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

Ron was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

Snape was trying to convince Harry to come out of the closet.

No one could get Harry to come out of the closet.

**A/N: Might countinue if you send ideas. *wink, wink**nudge, nudge***


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: sorry about the mess up with Neville's name thanks for spoting that _357. Magnum _and also thanks for the idea for this chapter.**

Harry was on a walk.

It was night time.

there was a full moon.

Harry found Lupin.

Harry didn't run fast enough.


	45. Chapter 45

**A:N: Came up with this in the car. :D**

Harry was on a walk.

Draco was on a walk.

Draco was walking ahead of Harry.

Harry heard a scream.

It was a fan-girl.

Harry began to run.

The fan -girls were faster.

The fan-girls ran over Harry.

The fan-girls fought over Draco.


	46. Chapter 46

**A:N:hey look over there! What is it? It is another chapter!**

Harry was going to Ron's.

Harry apperated.**(GAH! Hope I spelled that right)**

~~AT RON'S~~

Ron left the burrow.

Ron looked down.

On the ground was a head.

The head had a scar.


	47. Chapter 47

**A:N:I might continue to write this 'story' if you have an idea feel free to tell me.**

The Hogwarts lake was frozen.

Harry wanted to skate.

Hermione wanted to skate.

Ron wanted to skate.

They went skating.

Ron heard a creaking sound.

Hermione heard a creaking sound.

They couldn't find Harry.


	48. Chapter 48

**A:N: **__**gave the idea for this one. Thanks **__**!**

Harry was in Dumbledore's office.__

Harry was petting Dumbledore's phoenix.**(Can't remember it's name!)**

The phoenix burst into flame.

Harry was too close.


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: Hey look I actually added a chapter.**

Ginny was cooking.

Harry came in.

Harry stole food.

Ginny got mad.

Harry was hit over the head with a pan.

Harry fell.

Harry didn't get up.

Everyone remembered that day fondly.


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: Wow another chapter.**

Harry's yard was over grown.

Ginny made Harry mow.

Harry forgot shoes.

It didn't end well.


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: I'm so proud of myself! 51 chapters!**

Harry was cooking.

Harry used the oven.

Harry left it open.

Harry tripped.

That nights dinner was good.

**A/N:Remember children cannibalism is _BAD_.**


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: Yay, I'm on a role! Happy dance! Maybe I should write for my other story.......**

Harry is a goody two shoes.

Everyone hated him for that.

Harry was duck taped to a chair.

A _HARD _back chair.


	53. Chapter 53

Ginny went shoe shopping.

Ginny brought Harry.

Ginny made Harry carry the shoes.

Harry died.

**A/N: Random!**


	54. Chapter 54

Harry was sleepy.

Harry walked up the stairs.

Harry tripped.

Harry fell.

The floor had no carpet.


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: rereading the third harry potter book and got inspired! Yay!**

Harry went to save Ginny.

Ginny was in the chamber of secrets.

The snake won.


	56. Chapter 56

Harry approached Buckbeak.

Harry was allowed to ride Buckbeak.

Buckbeak took off.

Harry didn't have a good hold.

Harry fell off.

Buckbeak was over the lake.


	57. Chapter 57

The Grim got Harry.


End file.
